She Sings of Old, Unhappy, Far-Off Things by Caren J Werlinger

Author:Caren J Werlinger [Werlinger, Caren J]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780996036801
Publisher: Corgyn Publishing, LLC
Published: 2014-04-21T21:00:00+00:00

“How is he?” Amanda asked breathlessly as she and Jeffrey rushed into the hospital lobby to find Margaret waiting for them. They had left immediately when she called.

“He’s not good,” Margaret said. “He says he fell because of a new pain in his back, and when they did a scan, they found a new compression fracture in his spine… and his liver now has even more cancer. They’re holding a bed in the ICU, but… we need to talk first.”

She ushered them to a quiet corner where there were a few chairs. Jeffrey and Amanda exchanged puzzled glances as Margaret said, “They can only move him to the ICU if we’re going to pursue more aggressive means of stabilizing and prolonging his life.” She paused, waiting for the impact of her words to settle. “Your father has always been adamant that he didn’t want any machines or resuscitation, but… this gets into a gray area.”

“How so?” Jeffrey asked with a frown.

“There is no more chemo or any other treatment for his cancer at this stage, but his potassium levels have dropped so low that his heart will be affected if they don’t give him potassium and aggressively regulate his fluid levels,” Margaret explained. “But the potassium isn’t indicated if we decide on palliative care.”

“So, he’s either going to die of heart failure or his cancer,” Amanda said.

Margaret nodded. “Basically, yes.”

“What does Dad say?” Jeffrey asked.

“He’s on some very heavy pain medication, so he’s only lucid for brief moments,” Margaret said with a shake of her head. “And, his medical directive doesn’t really deal with this. That’s why I waited until you got here.”

“I don’t think we can just let him die by denying him care,” Amanda said.

“He is dying, Amanda,” Jeffrey said, more harshly than he meant. “No matter what we do.”

“They said they can keep him comfortable,” Margaret said.

Amanda blinked away tears. “What do you think we should do?”

Margaret took a deep breath. “I think your father would not want to have his days prolonged if it means being confined to a hospital bed,” she said gently. “If we’re voting, I’m voting for keeping him comfortable and letting him go.”

“Are you sure you’re not just tired of taking care of him?” Amanda asked in a shrill voice.

“Amanda!” Jeffrey said sharply. He glanced at Margaret. “She didn’t mean that.”

But the expression on Amanda’s face looked as if she did mean it.

“I think you’ll be shocked at how frail he is,” she said to them, trying to keep her voice level. “Maybe you should go in to see him before you make a decision.”

Is she wrong? Margaret asked herself as they left her. She felt torn and she knew she couldn’t deny that part of her would feel relieved at having this death vigil at an end, not that she would rush Gavin there, but….

She stepped outside through the automatic doors. Expelling a deep breath, she walked down the sidewalk, shaded by an avenue of trees. She felt dizzy with exhaustion and stopped to lean against one of the trees, pressing a hand to her eyes.

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